Haiti, Beauty and Dating....

I remember when the Haiti earthquake hit the news. The pictures on CNN of a city that looked like lost ruins. The terror, the look of fear in children who were hungry and thirsty. Images and stories are powerful. I think most of us see people in pain and feel compelled to do something, anything to just make it stop. I remember a holiday where my 11 month old niece Kelsey was crying and my 2 year old nephew Greg heard her. He put down his toy truck and walked right in front of her and hugged her until she stopped. But, what if you give someone a hug and they simply don't feel it? They are so deep in their pain that they can't feel your love standing right there for them? What do you do?

Here at Rewrite Beautiful I get the opportunity to meet some pretty amazing and passionate men and women. People who want to see BEAUTIFUL restored to it's true meaning of creativity, kindness and strength. But, in meeting those people I also hear their stories, stories about women experiencing heart failure from their Eating Disorder, but still going to the gym. Stories about men who feel their abs aren't ripped enough to pull a date. Anxiety and depression in teenage girls over their fear of not being “beautiful”so they lock themselves in their rooms all summer. I feel as if I am experiencing the terror of the Haiti Earthquake, but no body else is seeing it but me. I just want to make the pain stop, but the deeper I go into Rewrite Beautiful the more I realize how distorted BEAUTIFUL truly is...especially in the dating world.

So the other night I was talking to a gal who told me she knew she wasn't going to get married because she was simply too fat and ugly. The next morning I met another gal for coffee who told me, “I feel like men find me physically BEAUTIFUL, but I'm not sure they find my personality BEAUTIFUL. I am just too much, too confident and too STRONG. My mom says I need to be more 'delicate' ” I could feel my jaw drop when she said, “TOO STRONG” I asked her, “But, don't you think all of those attributes make you BEAUTIFUL. Don't you think that the right guy will see those traits and think. 'wow shes amazing!' does that ever cross your mind?” And she replied, “No.” And she looked away from me with tears in her eyes.

So if you're trackin' with me, both of these girls think that they aren't BEAUTIFUL physically or even in their personality; which is kinda scary considering the classic, “Well he/she has a great personality!” I guess we're so warped that you're personality isn't even good enough to validate you as a human being? Call me crazy, (most people do) but I have a vision where we live in a world where girls don't gauge how BEAUTIFUL they are based on someone else's interpretation; they see themselves as BEAUTIFUL based on their creativity, kindness and strength.

The truth is I “get” these girls. I've been there. I know what it feels like to think “I'm too fat and I'm too strong” and the only “logical” answer I ever found to that was “Okay just starve and be quiet.” But, her the catch... I love food and my family will tell you that I was born with a good set of lungs and opinions. So basically I was miserable ACTING “beautiful”. Like the rest of the 99.9% of the girls in the world I would like to get married and according to statistics I most likely will. But, just for the fun of it lets just say there isn't a guy on the face of the earth who wants to take me home to meet his mama. How would you suggest I live the rest of my life?

Exhibit A: Should I go through life questioning myself, “Maybe I'm too fat, maybe I'm too strong, maybe if I change my hair, maybe I should buy that dress, THEN he will like me”

or should I...

Exhibit B: (As in Exhibit BEAUTIFUL) Step outside, look at the world around me and say, “Ya know what I was created for a reason. With this hair, these eyes, this butt, this waist, this brain, this mouth and this heart. Instead of arguing with the sky about how I turned out I am going to choose to call every aspect of me BEAUTIFUL, because I am.”

So how exactly do we get people to Exhibit: BEAUTIFUL? I think it's with hugs. Let me explain... I used to work at an Eating Disorder rehab. For those of you who don't know, girls very deep in their Eating Disorders are incredibly sensitive and at times...cruel. One moment they love you and you are their savior, the next moment they are calling their parents trying to get you fired for not allowing them their cell phone. The bottom line is, they aren't who they were created to be. It was my job as a staff member to remind them of who they are. How I did that was at the beginning and end of every shift I would give them a hug... if they made me a painting for my room they got a hug and if they cussed me out they still got a hug. On the days they cussed me out they would get confused and say, “Why do you want to give me a hug? Don't you hate me yet?” And I would reply, “No.. I don't hate you. Because it's not you who does mean things, it's your Eating Disorder. I know you're in there somewhere. I see glimpses of you and I love you.”

I think that there is someone YOU KNOW that could use a hug. They need you to hug them and tell them, “I know you don't see yourself accurately... But I see you and you're BEAUTIFUL... because you are creative, kind and strong.” The world is BEAUTIFUL and it's painful it's our choice to decide which side we play on. Tell her she's BEAUTIFUL! Go Team!

You're BEAUTIFUL!

Irvina