“Rewrite Beautiful gave me more knowledge on why people put their bodies through eating disorder and how I can help a friend if I see signs." – McKenzie, Student, Costa Mesa High School
29 years and Forever 21 fairy fears
I most recently turned 29 years old and I wasn’t the least bit freaked out until my little sisters asked me on the eve of my 29th year on earth “are you freaked out about turning 29?” Oh little sisters, their ability to innocently challenge, annoy and remind us of our mortality has oppressed the Princess ego of older sisters everywhere. Alas, I was instantly dethroned of the simple pleasures of a stress free 29th birthday.
Before I dive into the dramatic thoughts that went along with the change in moons on my 29th birthday I think we need to establish a few things. For one, I’m going to take the liberty to assume that if you are the Rewrite Beautiful blog reading type you are fully aware of the rumored plague that is called: female aging. From what I gather aging is accompanied by a few fears:
1.) Everyone is looking– The fear that everyone is looking at you and saying, “Oh, she’s that nice, pretty woman who was brilliant, but she never really accomplished anything significant.”
2.) Clothing – The fear that at any minute the 21 year old fairies from Forever 21will come knocking at your door and repossess all of your clothing. In exchange you will be left with nice wool cardigans, penny loafers and mom jeans.
3.) Sex – The fear that the opposite sex does not find you suitably attractive enough to have sex with. Leaving you horny and alone to fend for yourself pulling out your own gray hairs on Saturday nights.
4.) Babies – That your reproductive organs will start to curdle like spoiled milk and you will not be able to bake a nice healthy baby that resembles you and your non-existent lover in your womb.
I have heard all of these fears from women and some of them I have thought up all by myself (I’m such a big girl!) The funny thing about all of these fears though is whether you are 25 years old, 29 years old or 63 years old, every single one of us at one time or another will come across these fears. I think it’s up to us on how we react with to them. It may sound clique, but I think fears are kind of like the rain. We see rain outside and we have a couple of choices, we can either walk out of the house in our pajamas and get drenched or we can put a jacket on and grab an umbrella and stay dry. Like the rain, fears are inevitable, but we have the ability to shelter ourselves from their downpour. Let me paint you a picture….
So I’m having my 29 year old freak out. It’s a combination of sweating and feeling like I’m gonna cry, faint, throw up all at the same time. All the fears about everyone looking, the Forever 21 fairies, the desert void of sex and the babies I will never hold is running like a hamster wheel in my head. I remember a question a friend asked me a few weeks back, “What is your greatest fear.” I answered, “Not having my own family.” I realize prior to crying that I am 29 years old, coming to the end of prime child bearing years and without a primate to knock boots with . Then I hear the voice of my pessimistic father who calls me at 4 am just to say, “You do know that if you don’t have children before the age of 30 you’re more likely to develop breast and ovarian cancer…just wanted to make sure you were aware of that.” So to add to my list of fears, I’m pretty sure I’m dying as well. In the words of Irishgobeen : FML!
In the midst of the freak out I realize something kind of interesting, my alleged biggest fear has already come true. The truth is that I don’t have a family of my own right now and as much as that pains me to feel (and type) the fact of the matter is that my life isn’t all that bad. I have friends, family, passions and creativity that greatly inspires me. Though, my life is predominantly been void of romantic partnerships or children I have been able to enjoy the life of an unattached, free, not a care in the world, single woman who has not had to clean up anyone else's poop on a regular basis for the past 29 years. Sure there are things we all long for, but do we really need to drench ourselves in the rain and hyperventilate in the process? Or might it be a better choice to appreciate the place were in at the moment? I’ve done lots of wasting moments and I think it’s not only exhausting, but depressing. Instead I plan to take advantage of my 29th year on earth. I’m going to be writing more, working on publishing some of my work, continue working on Rewrite Beautiful projects, learning more about art therapy and possibly going to Grad School. I’m a busy gal focussing on projects that fulfill my soul and help coach the souls of others. Maybe helping yourself, others and taking an inventory of the things we have to be grateful for is the trick to getting rid of those monsters in the closet aka Forever 21 fairies? What do YOU think?